I've learned that my body doesn't want to make babies naturally. Infertility is fairly common, but very few people talk openly about infertility. I am.  

It'd be cool if one thing went right ...

When last I left you (unless you’ve talked to me in the past week), I had learned that the biopsy sample from my hysteroscopy didn’t contain enough tissue to rule out endometritis through pathology. It took several days and conversations with the donor nurse + one call from the doctor, but since running labs would require another biopsy (separate from the one done for the mock transfer), and since my uterus showed no signs at all of endometritis according to the doctor, the decision was made to continue to move forward with the mock transfer and forget about attempting to rule out endometritis through pathology. The doctor is convinced that based on how my uterus looks, the chances I have endometritis are miniscule, and he doesn’t want to dig around in there more than is necessary. I agree with this decision, but there is a tiny part of me that will probably go down that “what if the labs came back positive despite the visual evidence” path if the next transfer doesn’t work (I’m trying to keep that voice very quiet in my head).

In any case, with that decision made, it meant I could move forward with the mock transfer plans. By the time this was determined, I’d already been on the 3 pills 2x daily estrogen pills for three days, so I was glad those three days of meds didn’t go to waste. Today was day 11 of the estrogen pills, and I drove down to Tallahassee for the lining check. Presumably, if my lining was thick enough, or close enough to it, I’d drive to Jax on Tuesday evening to be there for the Wednesday biopsy to test my progesterone and estrogen levels. This was the plan, and since I didn’t have too much trouble with my lining thickness with the last two transfers, I planned my week (and work) around being out of town Tuesday night and Wednesday.

I should have known better. My lining isn’t even close to being thick enough, which means in addition to the 3 pills taken orally 2x daily, I now get to add 2 additional pills inserted directly into the source of all my woes 2x daily. That’s 10 estrogen pills on a daily basis, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t ever worry about the long-term results of dosing myself with so much estrogen. I’ve asked about it and was told that there’s no evidence showing IVF meds lead to breast or uterine cancer, but it’s always in the back of my mind.

So, instead of being in Jax Tuesday evening and Wednesday, I now get to drive back to Tallahassee on Monday for a second lining check. Assuming that my uterine lining is finally thick enough at that appointment, I’ll need to be in Jax Saturday evening for a Sunday biopsy. At least with a weekend appointment my husband can come with me and split the driving, so I guess that’s the silver (chrome? rusted tin?) lining in all of this.

It would really be okay with me if one thing went right in this donor egg process. Sure, nothing actually worked out when we tried with my own eggs, but at least the only “failures” came with egg retrieval and/or the transfer, which are at the end of the process. Every single step since we decided to use a donor egg has been a struggle, and it kinda just sucks.

The ERA biopsy

A punching bag would come in very handy about now