I've learned that my body doesn't want to make babies naturally. Infertility is fairly common, but very few people talk openly about infertility. I am.  

The transfer results

I’ve spent the month of January either prepping for the transfer or doing post-transfer medications to make it stick (and trying unsuccessfully to remain calm, cool, and collected). This morning my husband and I went to the local hospital so I could get the blood test done as it’s the only local place that will give same-day results. Getting blood drawn early in the morning was bad enough, but having to be polite to the technician who saw the paperwork and then asked “How many other children do you have?” and when I said “Zero,” the response was “Really?” was not a way to make my feel any less anxious about the results.

In any case, I had the blood drawn and then began the daylong process of waiting for the phone call, which means attempting to work but really checking my phone every 34 seconds to make sure I hadn’t missed a call. At 2pm I called the doctor’s office to see if they’d received the results. Somehow I got disconnected while being transferred to my nurse. While I was in the process of leaving her a voicemail, she called me back.

Results: Not pregnant. Was never pregnant. Not even close to being pregnant.

Well, shit.

This was the last embryo from the donor egg cycle we purchased last spring (since we only got one crappy blast and one apparently also-crappy blast).

I’m not sure what we’re going to do next, other than having to go cold turkey off of all the hormone medications. I’ll have a phone consult with the doctor next week to see if he has any ideas as to why this never works, but I’m not expecting to get much out of that 10 minute conversation.

I’m exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. My husband and I are going to have to have some hard conversations about what comes next.

On the plus side, my heavy bag was delivered today and will be hung tomorrow, so at least I’ll have something to punch, kick, knee, and elbow.

Next blog update will be when we know how/if we’re going to proceed.

Oh, 2020

Prepping for a transfer. Again.